Dear Dad –
Last Saturday the kids and I were driving home from visiting Mom. The kids love it when I crank up the music and we sing country songs. Dillon had his own little playlist playing from his phone. After a few songs, a song by Luke Combs came on. Even though I had heard this song before and knew why and when it was written, the song really spoke to me this time. Maybe it was because I had just left the house. Maybe it was because I was singing it with the kids. Maybe it was because of a conversation I had with Mom. Maybe I just needed to really hear the words this time.
The lyrics from the first verse, keep me safe ’cause there’s monsters right outside, reminded me of the many times I cried about the dogs that were in the hallway outside my bedroom door. The safety I felt from Mom and you. Then the lyrics of
Uncle Sam don’t like to wait
He’s got a big old plane that’s gonna take me far away
I know I act tough, but there’s a churnin’ in my gut
made me think of how you must have felt when you left for Vietnam. Thank you again Dad for your service. I know you didn’t hear that enough.
Of course, the last part of the song and the chorus tug at the heart strings.
Daddy, I’m afraid, won’t you stay a little while?
I never thought I’d see the day I had to say goodbye
Daddy, please don’t go, I can’t do this on my own
There’s no way that I can walk this road alone
Well, daddy grabbed my hand and said
Just ’cause I’m leavin’
It don’t mean that I won’t be right by your side
When you need me
And you can’t see me in the middle of the night
Just close your eyes and say a prayer
It’s okay, boy, I ain’t scared
I won’t be here, but I’ll always be right there
Even though I’m leavin’, I ain’t goin’ nowhere
I ain’t goin’ nowhere
Dad, I will always remember the wink you gave me in your last few hours. I wasn’t sure what you were truly aware of Dad when your time to be called home became closer and closer. You had friends, family, and Pastor there to say goodbye. We were trying to not be too sad as we knew it was only time until you took your last breath. I was sitting across the room and our eyes met. As I looked at you and wondered how it would be without you, you winked at me. Even though I didn’t understand all your words you said at the end. Even though we didn’t know what you were thinking. Even though I wanted you to say something with a clear voice that give me reassurance that you understood all that was going on, you spoke in a different way. You spoke with a wink. We already knew you were leaving. We already knew you were going to a better place, but the wink let me know you were okay. The wink also said all I need to do when I need you, is close my eyes and say a prayer. Thank you Dad for already being there when I need you. Thank you for watching over my family and I. Thank you for the signs. Thank you for the reminders that even though you are gone you ain’t going nowhere.